![]() ![]() Turns are simple, a combination of basic actions like moving a hoplite, moving your hero, maybe praying to a god if you can be bothered, and then taking a special action. Starting with your hero and a paltry two hoplites, it isn’t long before you’re shoving armies around, hoarding combat cards, and constructing even larger hunks of plastic that represent monuments to the gods, usually sporting some side-, inner-, and underboob, because it’s ancient Greece and you’re lucky that’s all you’re seeing.įor the most part, the rules do a great job of being digestible and then getting out of the way. Lords of Hellas knows exactly what it’s doing. To be clear, there’s nothing wrong about any of that. ![]() ![]() In other words, it’s a dudes-on-a-map game doing what dudes-on-a-map games do best: cramming garish plastic into a box, providing some flimsy pretext to duke it out, and letting us pretend that some rules are sufficient veneer to disguise that we’re playing with toys. Cheese stalk the land, and heroes emerge to rally the former and repeatedly puncture the latter. Humans are instantly elevated with mecha-suits and laser bows, animatronic monsters only a shade less terrifying than Chuck E. The gods have come to Hellas - that’s Greece - and it turns out they’re cybernetic monstrosities. The what is the stuff that makes teenage boys opt out of puberty and instead spend all their pocket money on plastic figurines and very small paintbrushes. Before the mobs batter down my door, let’s talk a little bit about what Lords of Hellas is and what it does well. ![]()
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